As a caution, this post was not pre-thought out. I sat here, and my fingers typed. This post is all over the board, but that is how my thoughts are working right now. I cannot have one single train of thought tonight. So be it. Amen.
So....I'm sitting in the living room, and I know that I won't be able to sleep for a while. It's 10:32. My parents just rushed my youngest brother, Dominic (age 5) off to the hospital about 10 minutes ago--his head just got banged up and really bloody. Seeing the agony of my parents combined with the agony of DJ (what Dominic likes to go by) is intense. And I'm sitting here, telephone at my side, waiting for something...to know what is happening. I wasn't allowed to go with them because I "need to sleep because of school tomorrow." Sleep is definitely not coming for a while.
The timing of it all. I practically see God's gentle, fatherly hands covering my family right now, even though today has been....stressful? Difficult? Yes. While being on my school retreat, I missed the big news about how our dentist today somehow gave us a $429 bill when we thought we would only have an $80 bill for the visit. With the times being what they are...my parents especially feel the stress, anxiety, sadness of the crosses that they and us kids have been bearing.
It's 10:38. The bleeding just stopped. Praise God! And DJ will be able to come home tonight!
God's timing is insane. I don't pretend to understand it. At all. Today was a blessed day. I had a good retreat with my senior class, but I've been worn out all day from this rainy weather, coming off of break, that kinda thing. Coming home, all the stress and worries of life really hit me. And then after all of it, when--after a big family discussion and prayer time--it looked like the evening would finish out in a much more relaxing, calm way, chaos is breaking loose.
So is this event tonight God's way of showing us how He'll pull us through all (since it all started and finished within a span of half an hour)? Or is this something the devil is trying to pull to make us despair and become incredibly dejected, and God has allowed it? I do not know. And I am not going to attempt to figure it out.
God is with us in every single part of life. The joys, the trials, the sorrows--He cares about every single one--and He is always present. His Hand is always holding us through life's events.
Think about it. I could easily be dead right now. Heck, a car accident could have easily taken my life in 2004--but I just came out of that lovely 10 hospital stay (and not so lovely styrofoam collar-ugh!) with a cut on my brain. Okay, not that great of an injury. But still, I'm alive. Praise God! God was with me through that whole incident. And it was stressful. And discouraging. And sad. And difficult. But, He has used that situation to bring me to life in my spiritual life, as well as my very purpose. I didn't really start living until I nearly died.
And now it is 10:51. And you are loved. Isn't that cool? Jesse Manibusan taught that to everyone at the Diocesan Catholic Youth Conference in Wichita this past weekend. Whenever the time is said, turn to the person next to you and say "and you are loved." Well, my parents and little DJ aren't home yet, but I'm at peace thanks to that phone call. I am loved. Loved abundantly by God.
In His goodness, this incident was not a huge tragedy like a 2004 car accident. But this little incident is enough to wake a person up. Tragedies happen. Who knows when that person down the street will die or be seriously injured? How about your own family? How about you? I started really contemplating death with the passing of 3 people I knew in 2010. Shannon, a former middle school classmate; Justin, a man who I only got to know over a few days, but had deep conversations with and really grew to love as my Brother in Christ; and David, a classmate, fellow Dead Theologians Society member, a fellow Totus Tuus volunteer. None of their deaths were anticipated. That tragedy could happen again, easily. To whom? I don't know. But I do know this: Live each day as if it would be your last, according to an Irish proverb.
It's 10:57 p.m. And you are loved. He loves you, cares for you, went through many incredibly torturous agonies for you, DIED for you! What do you do for Him? Do you send more scourges into His back, ripping away His flesh with your sins? Or do you take the veil of your contrition and repentance to wipe the blood from His Face?
The choice is yours.
Totus Tuus Maria!