Easter Reflections...

Alleluia!!

Christ, our Light! Thanks be to God!!

I just got back from the Vigil Mass, filled up on chocolate, carrots, and cookies, and am now sitting down, reflecting upon the awesomeness of this evening, and of life in general. =)

The Easter Vigil is absolutely amazing; something which I think every Catholic needs to experience AT LEAST once, if not multiple times. See, Easter is the Feast of Feasts in the Church; it's kinda a super huge deal. And growing up, I always went to the Triduum with my family--Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter Sunday (when I was a little shaver, we didn't go to the vigil, but I have for several years now). I am so thankful for this practice in my family, for it has been a great aid in growing in my Faith, and fully experiencing the events of Christ's Passion.

So I guess I'm gonna go on a little tangent about Holy Week. Well, I must confess, outside of all of my Lenten sacrifices and extra practices, I didn't really do anything extra for Monday-Wednesday of Holy Week...but then came Thursday. I went to a Sedar Meal on Thursday evening, which is a great way to recount what Christ did with His disciples before He went to the garden. Then, going to Mass, I could experience how the Sedar Meal of the Passover is fulfilled in Christ, with the Eucharist. Holy Thursday Mass is amazing. Seeing my pastor kneeling before 12 men--which included the two associate pastors--was inspiring. The great humility that Christ calls us to is incredible, something which I have to work on time and time and time again!

Then came Good Friday. I have to say, I slept in on Good Friday; I probably slept in until about 10:30 or so--I was exhausted, and it had taken me forever to go to sleep. But I figure that--since I was sleeping prayerfully, in unity with Christ, it's okay. Friday afternoon, I rode my bike to a little lake thing in my neighborhood, and for a while I sat on the grass. I prayed a Rosary, and meditated on the Passion, using "The Dolorous Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ" by Anne Catherine Emmerich. If you haven't picked that book up, do it next Lent. I haven't read the book the whole way through, but every year on Good Friday, I use a section to prayerfully pray with. It helps one to see and experience the Passion of Christ in a whole new way. I was, at times, literally sitting, gasping for a breath because of the intensity. Well, later that day was the service. I find Good Friday services to be so extremely sad; I came to church in some of my most somber clothes: A brown dress with brown jacket and brown shoes, and a brown scarf covered my head, as opposed to my lovely white veil. The church was completely bare, and it filled me with sorrow. But this sorrow was not to last.

Holy Saturday was full of anticipation: getting my new Easter dress all laid out for Mass, washing my mantilla, making food for Sunday's feast. There was a joy in the anticipation, though it was not complete--because I was still waiting on Christ's Resurrection.

Vigil Mass. I got there a bit early to sacristan with one of my friends, and I found out that I would get to turn on the lights for the whole church at the end of the Service of Light. I'm not gonna lie, I was positive that I would mess up the lights, and therefore mess up the whole Vigil Mass. So I had three different people explain how to do it, and thankfully, when the time came, the lights went on without a hitch.

Catholics are such pyromaniacs, and I love it. Christ is the Light of the World. The Holy Spirit rains down His fire on us. We hold fire at the Vigil. We are called to burn with the love of Christ, so that when others are near to us, they will also burn with the fire and love of Christ (according to the great Fr. Bernie Gorges).

The Communion of Saints is fantastic. The Church Militant, Triumphant, and Suffering, bound in this community of love. I think the Teens Encounter Christ retreat that I went on in October helped to draw forth this idea for me, and it has hit me in many ways since then. During the Litany of the Saints, the people who were going to be baptized were all standing in front of the congregation. We appealed to the Saints in Heaven for their prayers. St. Francis, pray for us! St. Dominic, pray for us! Etc. This reality hit me in a whole new way tonight; the power of the intercessory prayers of the universal Church! And "Catholic" means universal--and that doesn't just mean "earthly," but "universal"--we're all over the place! Heaven, Purgatory, and Earth. And we are all bound by love and prayers. I love it!!

Easter joy is amazing. As they rang the bells at church, sang the "Alleluia," baptized people---it was all incredible! I have found, over the years, that the more penitential and sacrificial the Lent there is, the more one grows and finds joy in the Easter season! Which, I might point out, lasts until Pentecost. The Octave of Easter has a Solemnity each day, so throw a party every day!! And then there's the Easter season. So celebrate in full force, and show this world what it means to be Catholic and have the light and joy of Christ!!!

May Christ's Blessings shower upon each and every one of you!!!

Revenge

So...I was cleaning out that ominous area under the bed--I'll never know what I find there! Well, I chanced to find a poem which I wrote last summer. I had just gotten off of work, and was waiting for a ride from my parents, and I felt like writing. I had also just finished reading Act 1 of Hamlet, so that probably influenced my thoughts as I wrote this. Enjoy!!

Revenge

Backstabbing,

Biting words

That fly through the air

Poison darts, embedding

Into the other's skin

The words seeping through

The pores

Flowing through the veins,

Straight to the heart

Causing a painful

Distortion of communication itself

And, if received in a certain way,

Create a transformation into a

Hideous receiver of evil who

Wishes only to seek revenge,

To send back more deadly

Darts, to strike harsher, more

Painful.

The looming vendetta grows

From a small, wicked desire

Into a hideous monster,

Thrashing throughout the

Earth, laying waste to all.

And with every stab at

Another, a harsher stab

Embeds itself into the monstrous

Hideous heart of stone.

The vendetta rages on,

Destroying itself slowly

But surely,

Piece

By piece

Until all is gone

But Despair

Who skulks

And sneaks about

Whispering, hissing

"This is what

Comes to you, you

Hideous monster of Revenge.

All is gone from you

But Me."

And slowly, Despair reaches out its

Arms of death,

And embraces

The vengeful soul.

And the Lord said, "Let there be light"

• 
  
  Driving with my good friend Tori Schippers on Sunday evening, we got ready to turn right at a light. As she looked left, Tori commented that the sun was shining bright in her eyes. While I cannot remember word-for-word what I said, it was something to the effect of:


• 
  
  “And the Lord said, ‘Let there be light—and then it blinds us.’”


• 
  
  Well, we both just kinda sat there, like ‘whoa, what WAS that?’ Definitely a Holy Spirit thing. I had not planned to say it, but when it came out of my mouth, the words made a lot of sense.


• 
  
  Think about it.


• 
  
  God has so many incredible graces that He pours down on us, and so many truths—glorious truths about His will, His mercy, His love. And it blinds us. We are mere humans, living in the darkness of sinful lives. And then this incredible light of Christ breaks forth.


• 
  
  I liken it to being in a movie theater: You’re in this insanely dark room. At the end, if you go quickly out of a nearby exit into the daylight, the sun blinds you.


• 
  
  You have been in the darkness, and are not accustomed to the immense light of Christ. So at first, you are completely blinded by the light of Christ. His light may come in the form of a sudden realization, profound truths being made clear, His works and movements in your life…just to name a few examples. And when these things happen, we can become blinded by the light of Christ, because we cling to our sin, we cling to that little bit of darkness.


• 
  
  Have you noticed how desensitized our world has become to evil? Here’s a little example: I am sorry to say that when I watch movies now, I can easily just tune out the dialogue when I hear the F word (really, people, just say another word…fudge sickle? I don’t know!). Well anyway… Just a few years ago, I would basically freak out when I heard that word. But now, due to the world letting ungodly words, phrases, actions, etc. run around, us Catholics can easily let that little bit of darkness creep into our lives. We let in the darkness of sin…and then Christ blinds us with His light.


• 
  
  When this light comes, we have a couple ways we could react: we could cover our faces with our hands, to block out the intensity of the light; then we just go crawling back to our dark corner in comfort. OR, we could squint, and gradually—ever so gradually—open our eyes up more (even if it may seem difficult), and see the light of Christ.


• 
  
  When one decides to live in the light of Christ, their whole life changes. Have you ever noticed that when you’ve been outside for a while in the bright sunshine, then go into a dark-ish room, you are a bit blinded by the contrast? It’s the same thing when you live in the light of Christ. Once you’ve been in Christ’s light, if you go into the darkness, you’re unable to fully see or grasp the evil, because the light has changed your vision, your perception. But instead of running away from the darkness into your little corner of light and staying there, you run back to your corner of light, soak up some grace and light, and dash back—spreading light into the darkness.


• 
  
  “The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; Upon those who dwelt in the land of gloom a light has shone.” ~ Isaiah 9:1

Hung

Totus Tuus, Maria!

I hope that you all are having a wonderful day! I had...a crazy day. Hugely upsetting situation in a class earlier (and unfortunately, I let myself get mad--and I mean, mad), but then 2 hours of Adoration and Confession thrown in the mix! God is so good! He always seems to give us those crazy chances to rest in Him when we're having tough days, ya know? It's just awesome!!

Well, here it is: the LAST of my 8th grade poems. I hope you like it! :D

Hung
What can I do?
I am lost.
A field of possibilities,
Yet hesitant
Oh, how
I long to know
Exactly what to do
But I can’t
Which is why I need
You
For I am hung
I hear them call,
But I don’t respond
For I want to be sure
To do what I am to
Do, what You want
Me to.
So I don’t take
A step forward.
Instead, I take a
Step back.
And I say a prayer,
For help.
Here I stand,
Hung.
Between two worlds,
I am hung.
I pray,
That I may be told
Where to go.
I am lost
Without You.
Please help,
For I am hung.

Emptiness

Praise be to God!! So here's yet another offering from 8th grade...hope you like it!

Emptiness

As I walk,

I see

Emptiness,

Everywhere.

Shallow enjoyments,

Trivial conversations.

Broken relationships,

I see it.

Why don’t people see

The beauty of

Sincere, heartfelt

Conversations

Enjoyments,

And

True, loving relationships?

People

Rely on

Material things.

They are relying

On achieving

A high position

In the eyes of

The world.

But

There are those

Who try to

Achieve a

High position

In the Eyes

Of God.

They who don’t

Rely on material things to

Make them.

They who try

To grow in

Virtue

And

Beauty

In the

Eyes of God.

Let us all

Try to be

Like those who

Try to

Please God.

For then,

Emptiness

Will be

No more.

Knock

May God be praised forever!!!

So here's another thing that I whipped out in 8th grade...enjoy!

Knock

• There’s a whisper
• In my heart.
• A gentle calling
• A voice.
• A feeling
• Throughout me
• A desire
• For happiness
• A command
• I want to follow
• A calling out
• To me
• There’s a
• Knock
• On my
• Door.

• Here, the question
• Hangs in the air
• Which way will
• I turn?
• Where will I go?
• I need answers
• On what to do

• So I ask,
• Please, tell me
• Where to go,
• What to do,
• Clearly, so I
• May do it.
• For I hear You,
• But I need
• To understand.
• I need help,
• Now.

• The door opens,
• I look
• Both ways
• Then I go
• Through it.

• What relief
• Washes over me!
• What happiness
• Comes over me!
• For there was a knock
• An open door,
• And I
• Had the courage
• To go through.

Thoughts from a Lazy Saturday

• Glory be to God! I'm taking a break from the 8th grade poetry, in order to write a few random thoughts.

• Last night, I went on my 4th Lenten All Night Vigil. It was absolutely amazing; there's nothing like Midnight Mass by candlelight, Adoration at 3 a.m., being in Adoration with really close friends, and hanging out with crazy people...all with no sleep! Admittedly, I did get four hours of sleep when I came home, and then had a two-hour nap later-so I'm rested up! :)

• God is crazy, and the power of prayer is amazing. I was having a heart to heart talk with a friend the other day who is in great need of prayers. This person told me not to pray, saying it would do no good for them. I decided not to listen, and have been praying and sacrificing for this person. Still, I felt a little uneasy, and started questioning, saying to myself "will this really do any good? What if this person is right? Or maybe the devil is just trying to discourage me..." Well, Friday evening before Mass, I prayed Liturgy of the Hours. The reading was from James, chapter 5: "Declare your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may find healing. The fervent petition of a holy man is POWERFUL INDEED." Whoa, okay Holy Spirit--that anvil was a bit powerful! But awesome. Moral of the story? The devil will try to discourage you in prayer-don't listen to him! He's the biggest jerkface around! The power of prayer is absolutely amazing, never underestimate it!

• I found out about this "Blessed" recently, who is super legit: Blessed Jose Juis Sanchez del Rio. Basically, he was a 14 year old boy, living in Mexico, who was captured by the anti-Catholic government forces from the time (he lived from 1913-1928, to give you a time period). He refused to denounce his faith; as a result, they skinned the bottom of each foot, and forced him to walk around his town towards the cemetary. Repeatedly, they asked him to deny his faith. His response? Viva Christo Rey! Finally, Jose was shot to death, repeating his declaration of Christ's Kingship. This guy is so inspiring. Can you even comprehend the pain-to walk around in the rocky, dirty ground with the bottom of each foot shaved off? And yet this 14 year old did it. Is your faith that strong? Will you stand for Christ as the gun is pointed at your head?

• Well, that's all I've got in my head today! Have an amazing day!!

Incomprehensible

"The riddles of God are more satisfying than the solutions of Man"~Chesterton And it keeps coming...more from the 8th grade!
Incomprehensible

• They do not understand
• They do not try to
• But they don’t notice
• The moving power
• They despise
• Those who do notice
• The saving
• Moving
• Power
• Why does this
• Happen?
• The mystery
• Cannot be
• Comprehended.
• And so we
• Must pray—
• For those who
• Do not
• Understand.
• For those who
• Do not
• See.
• For those who
• Do not
• Believe
• In the goodness
• And God’s
• Moving power.

The Butterfly

Verso l' alto! To the heights!

• I pray that you are all doing well. Know that God is blessing each of you abundantly, whether you realize it or not! Praise God for another gift of a day!

• So...I'm still in that flashback to my past...8th grade poetry, anyone? Well, I hope you all enjoy, and like always, feel free to tell me what you think--whether it be harsh or gentle, I love to hear it! :D God bless!

Butterfly

• See, now in the cocoon
• There is the little butterfly
• Laying, resting, waiting
• For the day of freedom
• The day to spread its wings
• And fly into the sky
• The other creatures mock
• The butterfly in the cocoon
• They know not how lovely
• This creature is now becoming
• It is protected from
• The dark, strong, and powerful storms
• Protected, it is safe
• From the wrath of the deadly storm
• It waits, and grows, quite strong
• As it lies in its small cocoon.
• But here—the day has come
• When the butterfly is ready
• To face the harsh dangers
• That the world has to offer it.
• Now, the butterfly will
• Face the harsh dangers and fight them.
• It will join the others
• Who stand in the storm and fight it
• The butterfly is free
• And will bring beauty to the Earth
• As those had done before.
• What a mystery it is
• As a butterfly in a cocoon,
• So we need to learn and grow
• As the butterfly stretches it’s wings
• We will stretch our wings someday
• And, as the butterfly in the sky
• We will soar.

Hidden Beauty

May God be praised!

So here's another flashback to the past...another poem in the collection of reflections that I wrote in 8th grade. Enjoy!

Hidden Beauty

• Hidden beauty,


• Everywhere.


• No—perhaps not


• Quite so hidden.


• Visible to everyone,


• If they would only


• Look.


• What does it take


• To see it, then?


• Courage, that is certain.


• Courage to


• Get out of your


• Comfort zone.


• Courage to


• Have a radical


• Experience.


• Courage to


• Step outside of


• The box.


• Courage to


• Be alone in


• Your decision.


• Courage to


• Stand when


• No one else is.


• Courage to


• Be strong.


• Courage to


• Be different than


• The normal.


• Courage to


• Set high standards.


• Courage to


• Defy that which is


• Pulling you down.


• But most of all,


• Another courage


• Is needed.


• Courage to


• Love.


• The courage to


• Feel for others


• Die for them


• Have kindness


• Flowing out


• To those who


• Do not deserve it,


• To those who


• Defy it.


• To those who


• Give no kindness


• Or love


• In return.


• The hidden beauty,


• The joy


• That is felt.


• The happiness—


• True happiness—


• That overcomes


• All things.


• This beauty,


• This joy,


• This happiness,


• Is not to be


• Hidden.


• We must have


• Courage,


• So that one day,


• We might find,


• True,


• Hidden,


• Beauty.

Torn and Broken

• Deo Gratias!

• So I've been feeling retrospective lately...so I have decided to (gasp!) put up some free verse poetry from my 8th grade (I have a couple different poems). 8th grade had its ups and joys...and definitely had its downs and hard times. Well, in my agenda book, I had plenty of free space--so I would write about whatever was on my heart, whatever was on my mind, heck, even if it was something that I thought about--I would write. Writing was my outlet, my refuge, whenever I needed to get anything off my heart. I don't even think I've showed any of my 8th grade stuff EVER, but I really felt like I need to put it up. So here's poem number one! Enjoy!

• Torn and Broken


• She vowed she’s never


• Do it. Yet here she was


• Being told that


• She was.


• Unintentional,


• Yes. All she did was


• Love her brothers.


• Now she is different.


• She dreamed of a habit


• And first vows.


• Now she sees


• His eyes.


• Hears


• His voice.


• NO!


• She cried out


• In despair.


• I never wanted to


• Do this.


• I wanted to be


• So much more.


• God, please help me


• Overcome this,


• Fight


• Against it,


• And return


• To


• You.


• As time goes on,


• She struggles.


• Fighting with herself,


• Day after day,


• To free herself


• Of him, But it’s


• A losing battle.


• In despair, she


• Kept crying out


• A cry for help.


• God, please take


• Me. Make me so much


• More.


• I am torn and


• Broken.


• Please mend me,


• So I can Be Yours.


• Time


• Went on.


• Day after day. The struggles


• Tormented her.


• It became


• Unbearable


• For her. Until it happened.


• She received Jesus One day.


• And felt Love so strong


• She knew right


• Then,


• She would belong


• To God.


• For she had


• Cried


• And had


• Prayed


• He answered


• Her prayer. Now she could


• Love her


• Brothers


• And brothers


• They stayed.


• Day after day,


• She always praises


• Praises the God


• Who took her


• — Torn and broken—


• And made her


• Whole Once again.

I'm Alive

Some people sit in class and doodle. While I sometimes doodle, I found myself sitting in history yesterday, learning about the Battle of Stalingrad, writing sparse thoughts in the margins. So here y’all go; it’s kinda random, but I just felt like putting it up :D

• I’m Alive
• Breath in.
• Breath out.
• Slowly, I gain
• Consciousness.
• Bleary-eyed,
• Look around,
• And face
• Reality.
• The enemy
• Hit hard,
• The devastation
• Is immense.
• Yet, while
• Some fall into
• Despair,
• Stop.
• There is
• Hope. Eternal
• Hope,
• Which
• Holds
• Light in
• The darkness.
• Keep a Joyful Heart
• And do
• Not despair.
• The Light is Breaking Through.

Shamar!

• Shamar: a Hebrew word for “to tend” or “to keep;” was used in Scriptures when God commanded Adam to cultivate and keep the garden of Eden and all that was in it (Genesis chapter 2); this word supposed responsibility; is also associated with “to guard” and “to protect.” When God told Adam to shamar in the Garden of Eden, it meant that he was supposed to care for it and protect it—as well as care for and protect Eve. Adam’s job was to tend to the needs of the garden and Eve physically, and protect both of them. Eve made the garden beautiful, and was to be submissive (under the mission) of Adam. Now, this whole idea of male-female roles is awesome, and I could go on and on about it. But, a while back, this thought hit me, taking the whole shamar and gender roles to a different direction. So now I finally am getting around to writing about it. This, I want to say from the start, is not something which I have thoroughly researched for documents and the like. The forthcoming rambling is my little soapbox with a topic of which I feel quite strongly about, and have discussed at length with some close friends. (Also, it is currently after midnight as I write this, so my brain cannot take researching to find dates, documents, etc.). And I also want to point out from the start that, with my following thoughts, I am not seeking to judge people. Even if you happen to disagree with me on this topic, I still love you :D This post is simply stating my strong beliefs, and giving my reasons behind my beliefs.

• Altar servers. I love the whole mission and purpose of altar servers. They assist the priest in tending to the altar and physical needs of the Mass. They also have a spiritual aspect, of reverence and prayerfully going about their work, assuming a deep contemplative prayer within the Mass. Originally, altar servers were boys only. Girls had a mission and purpose within Mass; they could sing, and they could unite themselves spiritually to the rest of the Church; their prayers joined with the priests and servers in glorifying and adoring God.

• Here comes the tie-in which came to me a month ago: men and boys are called to shamar. Seen in the Old Testament, is true to this day. The tending and service that Old Testament men were called to did not just involve women like Eve. No, this also involved the sacrifices that were offered to God; the people who assisted the priests with sacrifices were men. And hey, remember Samuel? He is a good example; a boy sent to work and live at the synagogue. Shamar: tending, protecting, caring for. Hmm…just like altar servers help the priest tend to the altar, care for the physical needs of the Mass, protect the sacredness of the Liturgy…just a thought.

• And you know how Eve was given a mission? To beautify the garden and do internal stuff and let Adam shamar? Well, traditionally, women and girls would let the boys serve and shamar, while they prayed in the pews. Women could also help beautify the church area with flowers, purify and wash altar linens, etc. Just as the Church is seen as a female that Christ died and shamared for, the Liturgy is the “woman,” so to speak. The priest offers the sacrifice of Christ during the Liturgy. The priest shamars to the altar.

But apparently these roles weren’t good enough. Now, girl altar servers are the norm in many dioceses. It is extremely common in the United States to see girl altar servers at Mass. Lots of girls consider it good stewardship. Other girls like it because it makes them feel important, it makes them feel that they are being a part of the Mass. In other parishes, the boys aren’t responsible and won’t show up—so the girls step up and serve at the altar.

• Let me address these points. Stewardship doesn’t have to be fulfilled by being an altar server! Stewardship doesn’t even have to be fulfilled by volunteering to help in the Liturgy! There is a need for greeters, lectors, people to help in Sunday School, people to clean the church, people to help decorate the church, children to participate in youth groups. These are just a few ways that girls can take part in parish stewardship. Altar serving is only one of many, many ways to do stewardship. Heck, every person in church is called to participate and be part of the Mass! The altar servers just have a more active role in helping with the celebration of the Mass. But everyone is called to participate and be active. So what if altar serving makes you feel important? I don’t want to seem heartless; many 6th graders who begin serving (though in other parishes they start younger) just want to feel important, want to feel needed. So it is understandable that these girls want to feel important. However, Mass is not about us trying to feel important and needed. Mass is all about glorifying God, showing God’s importance over us! If people actually taught about how amazing participation at the Mass is, and if humility was taught as a virtue to strive, girls may start to understand that it’s not about them! Also, if a parish does not let girls serve, this simple restriction points to the reality that altar serving is a much more important act than just walking through the motions of Mass, putting ciboria here, cruets there.

• So the boys don’t show up. The boys don’t shamar. So the girls feel that they have to shamar for the boys and be altar servers? When this cycles out with the girls shamaring for the guys, what good will come? Guys start to lose sight of their role as men, to shamar, to tend and protect. In fact, altar serving is a direct way of exposing boys to the priestly vocation. By having girls serve instead of boys, the boys are losing both their role to shamar, as well as good exposure to the priesthood in action. And when guys start to lose sight of their vocation, the roles of men and women big time get pulled out of the balance that God put them in. I mean, having girl altar servers is denying the physical aspect of our Faith; and the Catholic Faith is a physical faith. Physical, in the sense that all of our senses, our bodily movements, it all connects to the interior actions and reality that are taking place. Physically, guys are called to shamar, to tend and protect. Physically, girls are called to beautify creation. The imbalance that is created with girl altar servers is not good. Just look around in the world today, with radical feminist movements and men slacking off in their roles to shamar, protect, and provide for women. It’s sad. And it starts in the home, and with girls being shown that letting men and boys slack in their mission is okay.

• These are just a few of my thoughts on the topic. Like I said, I’ve thought this issue out for a while. Heck, once upon a time, I was asked to be an altar server, and I thought it sounded kinda neat, but my parents dissuaded me. Over time, as I studied the Liturgy more, and learned more about the vocations of men and women, I really saw how having girl altar servers is so contradictory to the vocations of human beings. And then I found some amazing friends and family to discuss this issue with, and formulate my thoughts and reflections. Really, I believe that altar serving is a huge issue, and more people need to really take it to heart—seriously, altar servers are assisting at the altar! Right when JESUS COMES DOWN! How cool is that? So anyway, my thoughts have been building up, and I needed to dump them out someplace. So here they are, spilled out.

• Take it for what its worth.